While you may think this is going to be a post on my appearance at 5:30 a.m. when I am on my way to our Tuesday swims you are wrong - I would never let pictures of that see the light of day! This is going to be a lot deeper than my sleep induced faux-hawk, so buckle your seat belts kids, it's about to get real. The truth is that I have been living in a very different reality for the past 7 months. I have been living without the stability of near daily calls with my best friend, random cards sent in the mail with articles from the paper that "might be of interest" littered with x's and o's in #sorryimnotsorry display of affection. All of this change is what led me to join Team In Training and push myself through triathlon training. And guess, what for the most part I have been good with these life changes. I have been "the tough one" and I have not wavered in my ability to hold my $hit together! But, there is a cold truth to my 4:00 a.m. wake up calls and yesterday, on my 29th birthday, I couldn't hold back that truth anymore. I had a crappy day. This blog has been filled with inspirational stories, of first swims, and bike rides and progress but yesterday I witnessed another first. The first day, I just couldn't take it. And as embarrassed as I may have been to find myself crying in front of my teammates I also felt an instant comfort in their presence. They told me they understood and they really did. They have all felt the sting of a year of firsts without someone they love and they know exactly how I feel. Side note: crying while swimming keeps you under the radar but your goggles fill up pretty quickly. What I learned from yesterday was that the step I took was nothing to be embarrassed about it was actually a good thing, I let myself feel the pain and I am stronger for it. And as I sat in the corner of the far lane of the pool and watched 35 of my peers in pain swim lengths to prove that they were stronger because of their pain I knew I was in the company of a family that would lift me up and I was proud. GO TEAM!